The trekking Part 4 (The Tenzin Express/Experience)

It was on day 3 of the trekking (on the road to Tadapani) that I saw this shining star walking and enjoing every second of it. Our eyes crossed, we shared a friendly smile, and said hello. At that very moment, a strange feeling went true me. A warm feeling, that felt really comfortable and made me feel at ease. That night we stayed in a place a little further than Tadapani, a place where we were the only visitors and a place with a magnificant view. You had a wonderfull view at Machapuchhare. The next morning when we were getting ready to leave, I was standing outside of the room, enjoing the view once more. At that time this "mysterious" woman passed by. Again she had this big smile on her face, while everybody else was still showing signs of a morning feeling. Again we shared a friendly smile and we said hello. I found out that she was Australian and that she was trekking on her own. A few hours later we met again in a place where we were taking lunch. We talked more, and she said her name was Tenzin, a name that I was not able to remember at that time. I saw her Mala and asked her about her religion. She is a Buddhist. Before I went to Nepal, I was interested in Buddhism, when I was in Kathmandu, I got fascinated by Buddhism, and when I was talking to her, I just knew that Buddhism was something I really wanted to include in my life. The peace, the rest and the joy on her face, made me feel happy. And that went on for days; Just seeing or thinking of her made me smile, it made me open up to myself. It gave me strength and power to go on. But most of all, it started to make me feel alive again. I did this all by myself, but in some ways, she helped me, just by being te wonderfull person that she is. The next days we met more and more, we even took our nights at the same places, we shared a bedroom, we EVEN started sharing apples. No apple will be just an apple in my life again. Every apple brings a smile on my face these days. Apples became one of the connections between Tenzin and me. It's like I see her in every apple, and when I feel sad or lonely, I should just eat an apple, and then I wouldn't be lonely, because I realise that she's with me, in my heart. Spending time with her made me feel at ease, and therefor I could open up to myself. I started to see more colour, feel more emotion, ... I just started to feel! Because I was feeling supported, I got to open up, and she saw that. I don't think she realised what part she took in that, but that's also not what interests her. She just loves a smile, to see someone feeling, to see someone grow, to see someone open up. She told me things that are between her and me, but it were things that made me feel really safe with her. It was nice to realise how open we were already on the first moments. We were telling things to eachother that you normally don't tell "on a fist date"! Being with her just felt so secure, that I wanted to share whole my life with her, I know she wouldn't use it in a bad way, and I have no intensions to do that with the things she told me. To me she is such a collection of positive energy and true open emotions, and as you might remember; that's what true life is about, to me. Nowadays, when we hear eachother on the phone, we're always happy as two children seeing their Christmas presents. When I recieve a mail from her, a big smile shows up on my face, when I recieve a text message, a true warm feeling passes through my body. That's what love is to me, that's what life is to me. A true collection of sincere emotions and energy! And you know what the most wonderfull part is; ever since I met her, I'll never walk alone anymore!!!! Thank you nature, for this beautifull creature that you've raised!!

The trekking Part 3 (The trekking experience)

I could try and tell you detailed every step we took in the trekking, every town, village we past through, but that's not what I want to do. Not the fact that I took so many steps there, so I can't remember all of them, made me decide that it's more interesting for me, and I think also for you, to tell you what an experience it was for me. The trekking gave birth to many of my inner feelings that I still feel now, but also revealed a lot of feelings that I have been hiding for to long.

I still become emotional when Tenzin tells me these days, that seeing me in the mountains was wonderfull, that I was part of it. And that's exactly what it felt like to me. I felt like I was part of the mountains and that is a wonderfull feeling, believe me.

Being in between those bigbigbig wonders of nature, it made me realise that I'm a part of a bigger thing. It's not just me, but it's me! Seeing things in that perspective and realising that made me concious of the fact that I was still carrying all the problems of the people around me on my back. That's just to much to do for a little man like me. Actually I have to say, for a little part of nature, like me.

Not only did I lose a lot of the weight on my back, weight that I placed there myself, but I also met some beautifull creatures of nature, some people call them humans. Ofcourse there was Tenzin, but describing what she ment to me and did with me, I will spend a whole item about it. But there were a lot of people who made me feel and give love. There was Bhim, the guide, Bhesh, Prithivi and Purna, whome I talked about earlier. But there were so many people, opening themselves and feeling very safe to me, so I opened up to them to. In this "resume" I'll put some pictures of wonderfull people I met in the mountains. Sometimes it will be someone I didn't even speak to by language, but that I spoke to just by eyecrossing.

The more time I spended in that increddible invironement, the more open I became. The region, the air in it, the people, the views, the smell, everything made me open up hidden places in my soul.

While I was walking, running, sitting during the day trips, feelings of sadness could appear, feelings of guilth about Katia's death for instance, and I just let them be there. I didn't try to reject them, but I let them exist and come out. The result was that 10 minutes later, a smile, not only from humans, but also from trees, animals, mountains, waterfalls brought a big smile on my soul, and also my face. Ever since, I smile at peoples sadness. Sadness and weekness are two of the most true parts of people I think. Happiness is also a true part of people, but often it is an act. Many people want us to be happy, and therefor we play happy sometimes. I used to do that to, and sometimes I still do it, but I don't want to do it because society asks me. Make note that I think that society is an artificial thing, so actually I went along in this and therefor I chose to act happy, even when I was sad.

Being in the mountains changed that for me. It made me open up to myself, and see what was deep inside. Walking by myself between those giant hills (even the hills were giant to me), in that variety of colors, being amongst others who were open and free of blockings inside, not only made me discover more about myself, it also made me love me. I'm very happy that I had the oportunity to open up between people who accepted me for who I am, and let me feel my feelings. Without them, it would propably ended very fast, my revealing!

The trekking didn't make me a better person, I'm still the person I was before, there's just more to see of me right now. I've opened up, and for one of the first times in life, not only other people got a look at the real Lieven, even me.

What did change during my time there, is my view on earthly life as a human being. I see it as the universe exits of energy, emotions and feelings and that's devided into several "bodies". e.g. people, trees, animals, mountains, water,... So whenever one of these bodies dies, dissapears, the energy and emotions still stay here. They need another body, and my beliefs are that when Katia died, I took part of her pain inside me, feeling that was what I deserved. We can choose what energy, feelings we accept and which ones we don't, but it's a process that takes a lot of attention.

Attention that I couldn't seem to spend before, trying to fullfill my so called duties in society.

Now I feel that nature, energy, emotions are real, it's easier for me to accept myself as I am. Knowing that I'm just a stage, not the ending point. I'm a stage in the eternal life of my emotions and energy, so I think my job now is to treath them as good as possible. I accepted them and I have to take care of them. Give them a home, nurture them like they are my child. Giving them a nice place to stay, also includes taking care of the body, try to live a life as healthy as possible.

THAT's what trekking was for me, these sights inside of me and how I think the universe is working! It helps me a lot, and I feel good about it.

Life is a beautifull thing, enjoy it, because you're a stage to another level! Nothing more, but certainly nothing less!!